xpnalex posted to a Skype forum:

I tried to call someone on Romania Mobile and Skype started to take my cents since it started ringing. The person did not respond to my call, but Skype still ate 0,24 Euro. It is not fair! What company are you running here?

Hmm, it works for me but I really haven't read the SkypeOut Terms of Service. Let's see...

IMPORTANT — PLEASE READ CAREFULLY

Yeah, right.

Entering into this agreement:

Use it, and you've agreed to all the fine print.

Electronic Signatures and agreement(s)

Umm, what's paper? Paper-less contract.

No Emergency Calls: by entering into this Agreement You acknowledge and agree that the SkypeOut service does not support or carry emergency calls.

When bleeding to death, use a "regular" phone, please.

Jurisdiction's Restrictions

If using Skype breaks the law, it's all your fault.

2.1 No warranties.

We're just human. Murphy rules. Outages? Not our fault.

2.2 Suspension and interruption.

We may break your service if we feel like it.

2.3 Change of technical features.

It's our product so we can change it.

2.4 No control.

(Hands over ears) WE CANNOT HEAR WHAT YOU'RE SAYING SO IF YOU SAY SOMETHING BAD IT'S NOT OUR FAULT. ALL ON YOU. LAH LA LA LA. MOO MOO MOO. WE CAN'T HEAR YOU.

2.5 No traditional telephone service.

Laws which apply to your phone company don't apply to us.

Article 3 — YOUR COOPERATION

3.1 Use of the VoIP service. You will use the VoIP service in accordance with these Terms of Service, the End User License Agreement and the relevant legislation.

wow. plain English.

3.2 Information.

Don't break Skypenet by hiding data it needs to work.

3.3 Suspension.

If you don't give us your data, we may kick you off the network.

3.4 No resell. You agree not to resell the VoIP service to any third party.

Oooh, this is news to me. Can I bundle the service, for free, with something else I'm selling?

3.5 Lawful purposes.

Be good. Don't mess with other's calls. Don't spam (or spit) unlawfully. Don't be a fraud.

3.6 Indemnification.

Whatever happens, It's Not Our Fault.

Article 4 — USER ID, PASSWORD AND ACCOUNT

4.1 User ID, Password and Account.

You get one. Anyone uses it to do something bad, it's All Your Fault. Even if you didn't know.

4.2 Notification and Indemnification.

Tell us when something bad happens using your account. Promptly. And... It's Not Our Fault.

4.3 Change of User ID and Password.

We can mess with your login to protect Skypenet.

Article 5 — ACCOUNT BALANCE

5.1 Credit balance.

Top up or no service. Give us your credit card number and we charge it right away. We don't have to take your card if we feel like it.

5.2 Activating Account.

Vouchers are worthless if you don't redeem them on our website.

Article 6 — REFUND POLICY

6.1

Ask Customer Service.

6.2

We'll give you your money back. Spent less than one euro? We'll throw in the change.

6.3

More than one euro? Pro rata for SkypeIn and Voicemail services. Full, if you ask in your first 30 days.

6.4

We'll pay you back the way you paid us. We'll close your account but not your Skype name, so you can open it again later.

6.5

Don't use SkypeOut for 180 days? The balance in your account is ours. Hey, we're not your savings account or the Cayman Islands.

6.6

Abuse our good nature and this contract is over, done, finito, end of story, full stop.

Article 7 — TARIFFS AND PAYMENT

7.1 Tariffs.

Tariffs are the prices we charge (stickier than a hippogriff). We set them, you pay them. Taxes too. We can change them and you'll know because we updated the tariff page on our website which you obviously check before every call. And we won't tell you what the taxes are, we'll just collect them.

7.2 Change of tariffs.

If you don't like a change in rates, leave. Write us and we'll give you back whatever money is left in your account. Otherwise, don't bother us about the rates.

7.3 Charged in error.

Did we charge you wrong? Contact customer service within 90 days or forget it.

7.4 Positive balance.

No money? No SkypeOut, SkypeIn, or Voice Mail.

Article 8 — PRIVACY, PERSONAL DATA AND TRAFFIC DATA

8.1 Privacy Policy.

Trust us. See the full privacy policy published elsewhere. We routinely give your data to local partners who helps us run Skypenet, but won't name those partners. And any governmental agency will get our help, including intercepting your calls.

Article 9 — INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY RIGHTS

9.1 Ownership.

All your Skype belong to us. Skype is ours, not yours.

9.2 License.

You're just using Skype, don't get any ideas that it's yours.

Article 10 — LIMITATION OF LIABILITY

10.1 Limitation of Liability.

Not that it could ever happen, but if, and mind you we're saying if, something happened to be our fault, we're only a tiny bit exposed.

10.2 Direct damages.

We'll only pay for direct damages, like our service burning your building down, and not indirect damages, like being out of work or looking for a new home.

10.3 Maximum amount.

We won't pay you more than you paid us, and even then never more than 5000 euro.

10.4 No incidental consequential damages.

We're just your phone service, not your mother.

10.5 Specific Disclaimer of Liability for Emergency Services.

Well, we're not really your phone service. If you have a heart attack, try to use Skype to call for help, and die because we don't have emergency service, It's Not Our Fault. No Way. No How. Big Time. All On You.

10.5.1 Alternative Arrangements.

Really. All Your Responsibility.

10.5.2 No Compulsion to Offer Emergency Services.

We Don't Do That. Nope. Not Us. Go Elsewhere.

10.6 Willful intent or gross negligence.

If we hurt you on purpose or because we're just insanely incompetent, then you can try to sue us for more than 5000 euro.

Article 11 — FORCE MAJEURE

11.1 Force majeure.

It's not our fault if Skype doesn't work becuase of ...

an act of God, insurrection or civil disorder, war or military operations, national or local emergency, a serious and sustained power outage or severe Internet service disruption, flood, subsidence, or weather conditions of exceptional severity.

Or aliens invading. Or global warming. Or the sun going nova.

11.2 Consequences of force majeure.

Not Our Fault. But we'll tell you about the aliens and when we'll be back in service.

Article 12 — TERM AND TERMINATION

12.1 Term.

This deal starts when you click and ends when you or we end it.

12.2 Termination by You.

It's done when you say so.

12.3 Termination by Skype.

It's done when we say so, and you may find out because you can't log in to Skypenet any more.

12.4 Consequences of Termination.

When it's over, you can't use Skypenet. (Does that include getting your old voice mails, address book, activity logs?)

12.5 Survival.

The marriage may be over but someone may have to pay child support.

Article 13 MISCELLANEOUS

13.1 New versions of the Terms of Service.

We can change this agreement when we feel like it. Just keep checking somewhere on our website. Love 'em or leave. Using Skype means you agree to the changes.

13.2 Adjustment of the VoIP service.

You thought you signed up for one thing but we can change it.

13.3 Entire Agreement.

Thou shalt have no other contracts before me.

13.4 Partial Invalidity.

If your lawyer shows we screwed up in one part of this contract, well, the rest of it still applies. So if you die because of something we did, you may still be able to get a refund on unused SkypeOut minutes if you let us know within 30 days.

13.5 No waiver.

You may think you're getting away with something now, but we may get you later.

13.6 No Assignment by You.

This is between you and us, not you and us and someone else. Or us and someone else. Just you. And us.

13.7 Assignment by Skype.

Well it could be between you and us and another company if we say so. Like if we sell Skype. Or sell your account to another service. Or to a collection agent. We can do this, you can't.

13.8 Applicable Law.

Luxembourg Rules!

13.9 Competent Court.

Luxembourg Courts!

13.10 Language.

You may be reading this in Polish, but it's really in English.

SKYPEOUT SERVICE

Article 14 — EMERGENCY CALLS

14.1 No emergency calls.

You could be bleeding on the ground and we'll say "you agreed in section 14.1 not to use Skype for emergency calls." If you try and fail, It's Not Our Fault. Tell anyone using your Skype account, so they know not to even try.

Article 15 — CHARGES

15.1 Charges.

Charges are to the minute. Rounded up after 5 seconds. 64 seconds is one minute, 65 seconds are two minutes.

SKYPE-IN SERVICE

Article 16 ALLOCATION OF SKYPE-IN NUMBERS

16.1 Allocation of SkypeIn number.

Your SkyeIn number may come from someone else. A whole other contract. Or not.

16.2 No transfer of (property) rights.

Your number is still ours (or whoever gave it to us). You can't give it to someone else.

16.3 No guarantee.

When you pick a number, we'll try to to get it for you, but no promises.

16.4 Refuse, change or terminate SkypeIn numbers.

We may need to change or cancel your SkypeIn number. We will if you break this deal.

16.5 Change of the SkypeIn number.

If we change your SkypeIn number, we'll email you about it. If this hurts you, It's Not Our Fault.

Article 17 — YOUR COOPERATION

17.1 Instructions and Number plan.

You promise to be good. And do what we tell you.

17.2 Provision of information.

All your data belong to us.

17.3 Indemnification.

It's Not Our Fault.

Article 18 — CHARGES

18.1 Charges.

We'll charge right away.

VOICEMAIL SERVICE

Article 19 — CHARGES

19.1 Charges.

We'll charge right away.

Article 20 — LIMITS OF USAGE

20.1 Limits of usage.

We can change voice mail. Longer or shorter messages, fewer or more messages, less or more storage time.